Facebook

It's not that great, you hardly even look at it... wait it's Wednesday? Holy crap, I've been logged since last thursday... Who's birthday is it, do I have any new friends? What's that girl got on her head in her profile picture... hey! That jerk hit me with a sheep!.....

It's just a simple website that shouldn't be all that interesting. Just a few photos, some status updates and now those goddam quiz things, and yet, you just spent four hours on there. When asked what you do on there you suddenly realize you have no freakin' clue. You can however tell people, which classic muscle car you are, the color of you and all your friends personalities and what random household object you are (a pencil, I think). You also know that the dumb hick you hate from your bio class is dating some bimbo who took her picture awkwardly looking into a mirror.

Although Facebook is the far less seedy alternative to myspace, you can still enjoy some mostly harmless cyberstalking. Find out that girl's favorite bands so you can casually mention them in conversation, or if that guy holding a beerbong in his profile picture is single. This is far more effective and safer than the older method of holding an actual conversation with human beings.

Another nifty trick is the status update. You can let hundreds of casual acquaintances know how miserable you are over blowing your final exam, or how in love you are with your boyfriend/girlfriend of the past six hours. Near strangers love nothing more than some cyber-whining (A note to my FB friends, yes, I am aware I complain constantly on there. My status right now should read: "Kyle is being a hypocrite.")

Yes, there is no reason to spend as much time there as you do, but it seems to happen anyway. So embrace the FB (I pronounce it Ff-Buh) and start poking some people!

Here is a good video I found on facebook about facebook.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVA047JAQsk

Facebook

Jesus

WOAHHHH.... That is far to touchy a subject for me to give you an opinion on... This blog has a strict policy against offending people... And by people I mean people who click on my advertisements and make me money.

I advise sticking with your current opinion, unless Jesus is telling you to eat tacks or kill people. Especially this person. I'm pretty sure you got some lines crossed if that's the case.

One thing I will say, the Jesus in this picture seems to be pretty tall, Arian and pasty for an ancient-Middle-Eastern-Jewish-Torah-nerd. I'm just sayin'...

Jesus

Swear Words.

They are F******* awesome! How could you survive a single day without the use of short mono- or bi-syllabic sounds which have been randomly assigned an offensive meaning. Each word seems carefully crafted to lend itself to loud shouts. Without these four-letter travesties of civilized speech, stupid people would have to settle for mumbling quietly and ceding their crap-tastic argument.

It is a well documented fact that cussing 5-10 times per day lowers blood pressure and relieves back pain.

There is a question as to why some words are more offensive than others. There are many arguments as to why this is, but frankly who gives a S***!?

Swear Words.

Macs

You love macs. They are so aesthetic, hip and functional and when it locks up you have a neat, colorful circle to stare at in dismay. Plus when you cry because your life's work just went poof, the ergonomically designed tear drop catcher on the keyboard collects your tears and recycles them into a tasty mineral water, which Steve Jobs sustains himself on. Macs also costs three times as much as any other equivalent PC, so you know it has to be good.

You may be thinking, "This doesn't sound so great... why do I love them again?" Well that's because it's a damn site better than Microsoft's latest operating system "Poke in the Eye With a Sharp Stick '09" and its service pack "Rectal Cramp 2010."

Macs

The apocalypse

Hooray! It's the legendary end of days. The world falls into chaos, society degenerates, and zombies are everywhere. So grab your double mini-uzis, your gas powered shotgun and mounted mini-cannon and get ready to role! To clarify, you are more than a bit excited! You may also want to practice striking a heroic pose. For example walk over the top of a hill with the blood-red sunset backlighting you, both Uzis hanging at your side and trench coat flapping in the wind. You may also want to come up with an "Apocalypse Soundtrack," while all of the good artists are still alive. I suggest music from Muse or another epic sounding band. Blasting these songs from your humvee as you strike the afore mentioned heroic pose is sure to strike fear into the hearts of enemies. Assuming they have hearts.

The unfortunate part of all this is that 90% of humanity will be dead. So make sure you find yourself a smokin' hot parter who can run around with you, kick ass, and re-populate the human race with you. (bow chika bow wow)

Here is one of the songs on my "Apocalypse Soundtrack"

The apocalypse

Swine flu.

Main Entry: swine flu

Function: noun

Date: 1921

`1: swine influenza; also : influenza A of humans that is caused by a different strain of an orthomyxovirus subtype (H1N1) from those found in swine and that is marked especially by fever, sore throat, cough, chills, body aches, fatigue, and sometimes diarrhea and vomiting.

2: The next fad in "Sh** That Will Kill Us"

PANIC!!!

Not really. You can be slightly concerned, or worried, but no more. Or you may be excited! After all this is starting to feel like the apocalypse! (see apocalypse entry).

You should be skeptical. Wash my hands? Yes I hear that's what they did for the plague too. Please. Maybe I should also chew on a magic twig and wrap myself in saran wrap and duck-tape. Besides we all know it's everyone else who is going to get it. So run around cough on someone, lick a pig, you'll be fine.... Just remember to wash your hands afterward....

This song has been circulating and I thought it was amusing.

Swine flu.

Squirrels

Squirrels are among the most awesome of the jungle beasts. If at any point you need a creature for some mighty task, you should consider calling upon the squirrel. There is some debate over who the actual god of the squirrels is, however you can be assured that he who controls the Squirrel Army controls the world. Assuming the nut supply holds up and there is no outbreak of rabies, the master of the squirrels could take hundreds, perhaps thousands of public parks in a matter of months.

Squirrels