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You love macs. They are so aesthetic, hip and functional and when it locks up you have a neat, colorful circle to stare at in dismay. Plus when you cry because your life's work just went poof, the ergonomically designed tear drop catcher on the keyboard collects your tears and recycles them into a tasty mineral water, which Steve Jobs sustains himself on. Macs also costs three times as much as any other equivalent PC, so you know it has to be good.

You may be thinking, "This doesn't sound so great... why do I love them again?" Well that's because it's a damn site better than Microsoft's latest operating system "Poke in the Eye With a Sharp Stick '09" and its service pack "Rectal Cramp 2010."


The apocalypse


Hooray! It's the legendary end of days. The world falls into chaos, society degenerates, and zombies are everywhere. So grab your double mini-uzis, your gas powered shotgun and mounted mini-cannon and get ready to role! To clarify, you are more than a bit excited! You may also want to practice striking a heroic pose. For example walk over the top of a hill with the blood-red sunset backlighting you, both Uzis hanging at your side and trench coat flapping in the wind. You may also want to come up with an "Apocalypse Soundtrack," while all of the good artists are still alive. I suggest music from Muse or another epic sounding band. Blasting these songs from your humvee as you strike the afore mentioned heroic pose is sure to strike fear into the hearts of enemies. Assuming they have hearts.

The unfortunate part of all this is that 90% of humanity will be dead. So make sure you find yourself a smokin' hot parter who can run around with you, kick ass, and re-populate the human race with you. (bow chika bow wow)

Here is one of the songs on my "Apocalypse Soundtrack"


Swine flu.


Main Entry: swine flu
Function: noun
Date: 1921

`1: swine influenza; also : influenza A of humans that is caused by a different strain of an orthomyxovirus subtype (H1N1) from those found in swine and that is marked especially by fever, sore throat, cough, chills, body aches, fatigue, and sometimes diarrhea and vomiting.

2: The next fad in "Sh** That Will Kill Us"

Not really. You can be slightly concerned, or worried, but no more. Or you may be excited! After all this is starting to feel like the apocalypse! (see apocalypse entry).

You should be skeptical. Wash my hands? Yes I hear that's what they did for the plague too. Please. Maybe I should also chew on a magic twig and wrap myself in saran wrap and duck-tape. Besides we all know it's everyone else who is going to get it. So run around cough on someone, lick a pig, you'll be fine.... Just remember to wash your hands afterward....

This song has been circulating and I thought it was amusing.