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Main Entry: caf·feine
Pronunciation: \ka-ˈfēn, ˈka-ˌ\
Function: noun
Etymology: German Kaffein, from Kaffee coffee, from French café
Date: circa 1823

1: a bitter alkaloid C8H10N4O2 found especially in coffee, tea, cacao, and kola nuts and used medicinally as a stimulant and diuretic

2: woah... a diuretic? That explains a lot... thought something was wrong with me.

Coffee, and caffeine in general, are a wise choice. Studies have shown that drinking a Red Bull is equal to 372 hours of studying. To be fair, I hesitate to call those "studies" studies. The scientists didn't actually perform tests recognized by any known standards of the scientific method. In fact, the scientists threw back a few Red Bulls, wrote two paragraphs, spun on their task chairs for a half hour. Realizing it was late, they copy and pasted something from wikipedia and sent it to the scientific journals and got the hell out to start the weekend. On a Wednesday...

Despite all of that, raise up your favorite chemical laced energy beverage and drink up. Avoid physical exertion for a few hours so you don't have a heart attack though. Salud!


Higher Education


Main Entry: higher education
Function: noun
Date: 1834

1: education beyond the secondary level;

especially : education provided by a college or university

2: A four year long drinking competition that incurs copious debt.

Indoctrination... er... I mean education is a mixed bag. Part fascinating knowledge that lets you explore far reaches of the universe and the dark corners of your mind, and part twaddle and bullshit. On one hand you can learn logic and reasoning, how the world works, how to read and express your thoughts in a clear, concise manner. On the other hand, should you make the mistake of taking something practical and related to the "real world," you quickly find the "real world" "sucks prodigious ass." (prodigious, for all you educated people, means "giant" or "extensive" and is a word I did NOT learn while being "educated").

Professors will babble on about "synergy" even as you and your fellow students disprove synergy, teamwork and for that matter democracy, in one fell swoop. The rest of the time they teach you important corporate skills such as: Sucking up, keeping your mouth shut, letting your dreams die, and how to manage your pain through light substance abuse (keep liquor and glue in your desk. Make sure it's not the pansy, non-toxic crap).