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Pronunciation: \-ˈplȯi-mənt\
Function: noun
Date: 1888

1 : the state of being unemployed : involuntary idleness of workers; also : the rate of such unemployment

2: an activity that sounds like it should be called FUNemployment at first, but after while just becomes boring.

Obviously this subject is a multifaceted one. It is generally agreed that 'unemployment' is the sitting presidents fault no matter what some "facts" or "reality" may claim. It is therefore with great sorrow that I inform you, my loyal readers--myself and this other guy who can't figure out how to remove an RSS feed--that president Obama has not yet given me a job.

Unemployment sounds so glamorous at first. Finally, you can sit around in your boxers all day and watch TV without some boss, or professor telling you to get back to work. Now you have time to work on all those projects you've been meaning to get to. You know the ones I'm talking about; learning to moonwalk, writing a screenplay, becoming fluent in a foreign language, watching every episode South Park ever made. Yeah all 20 seasons. I did it one glorious unemployed summer in college.

So that takes care of the first three or four days, but after that things start to go downhill. Without something productive to do the human mind atrophies and requires a dramatic increase in ice cream consumption.

So before long the day is spent refreshing craigslist and coming up with businesses you could start. Personally, I'm going to be starting a multinational bar/nightclub/bakery/desktop publishing/rock band/movie studio some time this week. As soon as that loan comes through... and I have all the necessary skills...

Soon it becomes obvious that no matter how good you are or well-qualified for the job, the Michael Jordan of copyediting, or law, or graphic arts, or whatever is somehow job hunting also and been ordained by God himself to take that job.

Hang in there everyone. I'm sure the media will decide that the president does want us to have jobs pretty soon and things will turn around.


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